Equivalent Exchange
by TheStrongAverage
Summary: Edward and Alphonse Elric have completed their goal, but what is keeping Edward from going home to Winry and being with his family? Ed x Winry and a hint of Roy x Riza - This is a recreation of a fic I wrote five years ago to better suit my expectations. I'm more or less proud of it. ANY REVIEWS ARE APPRECIATED (NEGATIVE OR POSITIVE)
_Please Read:
This is a complete reimagining of my first (and only) fanfic that I wrote five years ago. It felt… 'naïve' I guess? It didn't feel very well put together. A few thing to note: I am WAY more comfortable writing in first person. I am not confident at all with third person of any type, but it felt necessary for this piece. Also keep in mind that I am not a writer by nature. It comes as a struggle, so if you see any errors or just poor plot points, know it was the best I could do. _

_TL;DR: rewrote old fanfic_

 _Please please please review. Constructive criticism is encouraged, as well as general thoughts about the fic itself. Thank you all who read._

 __ _Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist._

 _ **Equivalent Exchange**_

Edward and Alphonse stood at the train station, waiting for the train to Resembool; they were finally going home. The journey was over; they had accomplished a goal they set out to so long ago. Edward went to a pay phone and dialed a familiar number. He listened intently as it rang.

"Rockbell Automail, Winry speaking!" Winry spoke enthusiastically through the phone. Edward immediately felt at home.

"Winry, hey.. It's Ed-," he was cut off by an excited automail mechanic. This was an all-too-familiar situation for her.

"Oh great! What is it now? Malfunctioning arm? Leg? Have you even oiled at all?" Winry said, annoyed. This wasn't the first time and she would bet it wouldn't be the last. Her thoughts were disrupted by a slight laugh through the other end of the phone. "What's funny? Automail just doesn't assemble itself, you know! It takes time and effort and-," she, like she has done previously to Ed, was cut off.

"It's over, Winry. Al's back." He waited a few moments after not hearing anything, he continued. "Al is getting on the train there right now." He turned to wave to his little brother reassuringly, smiling lightly. "It's been a long ride, Winry. You know that just as well as us, but it's over. Despite that, I'm still in the military and Central is a mess. This is where most of the fighting took place in the end. They need all remaining state alchemists to help with the reconstruction effort."

"Are you needed that badly? What's one alchemist?" Winry replied, unable to hide the distinct melancholy in her voice. Edward picked up on it easily.

"I'm sorry, Winry, but I have to. But hey, don't wait up on me for that apple pie. Al hasn't been able to maintain his craving for it! I'll be back before you know it!" Edward tried to lift her spirits, and he seemed to be somewhat successful.

"Alright, Ed! I'll get started on the pie right now, but don't think you're off the hook for this one, buddy!"

"Ha, alright, Winry. I'll talk to you when I get back. Take care of Al for me. He's still getting used to the body and all."

"Will do! Don't be long, Ed. I'll see you."

"See you, Winry." He sighed and hung up the phone, dreading what was to come ahead.

 _~~~oOo~~~_

 _Winry hung up the phone. '_ _Not the reunion I was expecting, but beggars can't be choosers.'_ _She thought. '_ _As long as they're back in one piece, I'll take it.'_ _Winry smiled and started on the pie. Pinako entered the room behind her._

 _"Who was that on the phone?" Pinako asked, wiping an automail arm with a white rag._

 _"Ed. Al's on his way here right now, granny. They did it." Winry began to tear up. "They got their bodies back."_

 _"That's fantastic! But what about Ed?" Pinako asked, curious._

 _"He'll be here, just a little bit later!" Winry said, trying to be positive. Pinako looked suspicious, but smiled and nodded all the same._

A few long hours later, Winry was finishing up her locally famous apple pie when she looked out the window to see the silhouette of a man walking towards her shop. Unable to hide her smile, she ran outside and tackled him to the ground. Alphonse just laughed. "Winry! I can't breathe!" Winry heard this, smiled and got up off of him. "I have lungs now!" Winry started to tear up. She'd waited so long for this moment.

' _Once Ed gets back, everything will be perfect. Maybe he and I can even,'_ she ended her thought, blushing. ' _Let's wait for him to get back first.'_

"Mmmm, what's that smell? It smells delicious!" Alphonse stated, excitedly. Winry had forgotten how he couldn't smell for the better half of his life.

"It's a surprise!" Winry was just as excited for him to see it as he was. Apple pie. Just as she promised.

 _~~~oOo~~~_

' _At least I hadn't lied about everything'_ Ed thought as he created a wall for a building. Central _was_ a mess. Someone had to clean and rebuild. It might as well be him.

"Ed?" Edward turned around to see Riza Hawkeye, guiding a now-blind Colonel Roy Mustang. "What are you still doing in Central?" Riza continued as she got his attention.

"Someone has to help rebuild, right? City isn't going to repair itself." Edward said, forcing a smile and chuckle.

"Edward… What are you doing? You have a home waiting for you… I thought you and Alphonse went back to Resembool yesterday?" Riza was concerned now. ' _Wasn't that what this was all about?'_

"Yeah, what's up, Fullmetal? I told you we could handle it." Mustang now joined in.

"I sent Al home without me. I would feel guilty if I didn't at least help a little while I was here, and I wasn't about to ask him to stay with me."

"Go home. You are not needed. We have more than enough help." Mustang said, sternly.

"Colonel, I _want_ to be here-"

"I know damned-well you _don't_ want to be here, Fullmetal." Mustang cut Edward off, not allowing him to finish his thought.

"Ed, what's going on? You know Winry misses you, and Al wants nothing more than to be home, but how can he enjoy it if you're not there also?" Riza interjected, gazing at Edward with a sad, but curious look in her eyes.

"Guys, I'll be heading home once this is all finished! Really, Al was fine with it. He understood." Edward was becoming shaky. He couldn't keep this up for long; he knew that. These two had always been something of parental figures since he'd joined the military. They could see right through him.

"No. Go home. That's an order." Mustang snapped. He wasn't buying any of it.

Edward sighed. He knew defeat when he saw it. "I can't," was all he could say.

"You can't? Why?" Riza asked.

"Please… don't make me talk about this. Will you give me at least that?"

"What are you talking about, Ed?" Mustang asked, now using his name rather than his title.

Edward just completely broke, his stubborn attitude abandoning him. "Listen, guys, I can't ever go back. I want to. You know good and well that I want to. That's all I've ever wanted: to be done with it all; to go home… but I can't."

"What's going on?" Riza asked, hiding her worry.

Edward didn't respond. Riza and Mustang glanced at one another. ' _What is he running from?'_ they both thought.

Edward sighed again. "It's truth. He finally got me, beat me. I got Al's body back; you guys saw him. He looks great, healthy now. I did what I set out to do… but you know there's always a price, Mustang. I know I don't need to remind you." Edward was shaking now. "I had nothing that I could give truth that would be equivalent to an entire human body. Nothing physical. My body wasn't even complete, otherwise I would have offered that in a heartbeat, you know that." Edward took a long pause, obviously not pleased with what he was going to say next. "We had to bargain with things that weren't physical: feelings, emotion, states of being. I know Al would never approve. Not in a thousand years would he, but it's all I could do. We had come so far, I was so anxious to finally do it…" Edward stopped again, this time too shaken to continue.

"Edward, what the hell did you do…" Mustang looked of horror, the same look he has when he thought he'd lost his lieutenant.

"My happiness… that's what I gave up." Edward started, choking on every word. "I know it doesn't make much sense, but that was the bargain, the anchor holding me down. It will drown me as long as I live. I know it's going to be counterproductive in the end. I know that, but it's all I could do. I would not go away with nothing. Not again. We had come too far. Any price seemed worth it. I know how you must feel. There's nothing you can tell me that I haven't already told myself." Edward said, becoming angrier towards the end.

Riza and Mustang were at a loss for words. "…What if you don't keep your end of the deal?" Mustang breathed out.

"Then Al is gone and I have to live with that. The moment I feel anything that resembles delight or happiness or anything, Truth will know. Al will be gone and it will be like we never set out to achieve our quest in the first place. There is no loophole. This is my life now. I've tried accepting it. I suggest you do the same." Edward was angry now. Mustang knew it was misdirected, but stood, still, in disbelief.

After several moments of silence, Edward broke it. "Will you guys do me a favor?"

"Anything, Ed. What is it?" Riza responded quickly.

"Tell Al and Winry I died in a freak accident. Would you do that for me?" Noticing the looks of disbelief on their faces, he knew he need say more. "I know I'm asking a lot. I'm sorry for that. You know I wouldn't want this if there was another way. You have to understand… I just want them to have some closure… I'm not going to be seeing them again. It will torture them to think I was still out there somewhere… I'm sorry to ask you all this, really I am, but-"

"Okay." Mustang cut him off. He knew Edward. Almost better than anyone. He knew Edward didn't cry, but there he was. "We'll do it, Ed."

"What, are you kidding?" Riza looked at him, confused, clearly not liking the idea at all.

"No, Lieutenant. I'm not. We will carry out his request as asked." He understood. He knew how Truth worked. Riza had a grasp on it all, but she never had the connection an alchemist would. Mustang did not fault her for that.

"Mustang… If you don't want to, you don't have to… I don't want to damage anyone else." Edward stumbled over his words. Never had he been in a more vulnerable state.

"I've given you my answer." Mustang said, trying to keep the composure in his voice. "We'll head there now." He gestured toward Riza and they both began walking forward, past the now-collapsed Edward.

"Thank you…" Edward breathed out, barely audible. Mustang and Riza continued walking forward towards the train station. "Thank you." Edward said again, even more softly than before.

 _~~~oOo~~~_

Winry and Alphonse sat at the kitchen table along with Pinako, enjoying the remainder of the apple pie Winry had made the day before. She couldn't help but feel anxious. ' _Ed said he would be here. He said that. Why am I worrying so much?'_

"Winry?" Al asked, shaking her from her thoughts. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, of course! I was just sort of in the zone!" She smiled, reassuring him. It was great having him back. It was just the missing piece that she was worried about. ' _This is stupid. He'll be back. He always comes back.'_

"Winry, I don't remember if I thanked you enough yesterday for this! It is delicious. Outstanding!" He smiled at her enthusiastically. It was enough to drift her thoughts away from Edward and not take for granted the people around her.

"Oh, Al, you thanked me more than enough yesterday!" She laughed as her eyes shifted over to the window to see two figures walking down her road. ' _It's six. The locals know we close at five.'_ She shifted in her seat to face her grandmother. "Are we expecting any late appointments tonight, granny?"

"Not that I am aware of. Why?" Pinako asked her, curious.

"There are two people walking down the road. I'm going to see who it is." Winry got out of her seat and walked outside to greet the two people. "Oh, Ms. Riza and Colonel Mustang! What brings you to Resembool?" Winry asked, happily.

"Hello, Winry. May we come in?" Riza asked a little bit more seriously than she intended. Winry noticed.

"Um, of course." Winry opened the door and stepped aside, allowing them entrance. "We have left over pie if either of you are interested! Please, make yourselves at home!"

"Actually, could we talk with all of you? In the living area if that is okay?" Riza had done all of the talking up to this point.

"Uh, sure! Let me get Al and granny." Winry was a little worried by this point, but continued gathering the other two members of the house. In a few moments, everyone was in the living room.

"Colonel Mustang and Lieutenant Hawkeye! How are you guys?" Alphonse asked happily. He considered them family after all they had done for him and his brother.

"Take a seat, Alphonse." Mustang spoke for the first time, regret in his voice, as he gestured to an empty seat.

"Oh, okay… What's going on, Colonel?" Alphonse asked, innocently.

"Is everyone comfortable?" Riza asked. Everyone nodded yes, anxiety filling Winry. Riza sighed like she was on her last leg. "I'm sure you all know that Edward stayed in Central helping with the reconstruction effort?" They nodded yes again. This time, Winry speaking up.

"What's going on?" Mustang could feel the fear in her words. This was going to be harder than he ever could have imagined.

"Edward was killed this morning in an accident while assisting his fellow alchemists in rebuilding Central." Winry's heart stopped. She said nothing. Alphonse was the first to speak.

"What… No… That's not possible…" Alphonse was struggling to breathe.

"How… How did this happen?" Pinako asked, eyes wide.

"There was a communication error." Mustang could hardly choke out the rest. He couldn't take lying to them. "He was inside of a ruined building looking for anyone that may have not made it out… No one knew he was inside and someone used his alchemy to push the limp wall in…Edward hadn't known this was happening and… he was crushed and killed instantly…" Mustang didn't have to see their faces to see what effect what he had just said had on them. ' _This isn't right. This is so fucked up. How can I say this to Alphonse? After everything? And Winry… My God… I'm so sorry.'_ Mustang was jerked back into reality as he heard Alphonse sob. "I am… so sorry."

Now Pinako spoke, angrily, but maintained, "All you alchemists do is destroy. That's all you've ever done. That what got Ed into this mess… and it looks like that's what took him out of it."

"The funeral will be held here, in Resembool," Riza spoke now. "I am just… we are so sorry for your loss." Riza took a glance at Winry, who seemed to be back inside her own mind. Riza could see the tears begin to form in her eyes. She watched Winry collapse into the floor, her hands covering her face as she began to cry. ' _Winry… I am so sorry, Winry. And Alphonse…'_ She looked over to Roy, who had a tear streaming down his face. She then noticed that she was crying as well.

Winry continued to sit in the floor, even after Mustang and Riza left, her crying not ceasing. Alphonse was in his room upstairs, Pinako in the basement. ' _Just when it was all going to be perfect… you leave us… Ed? How could you be so cruel? What are we supposed to do now? You were his world, Ed; Alphonse loved you more than anything. And what about me? How am I supposed to go on from this, Ed? I love you so much. I waited so long for you to come home. I knew it would all be worth it when you could finally be with me. I would tell you how I felt and we would be together. Did you not want that? Is that why you left us? Was I always just you mechanic?'_ Her thoughts just made her cry harder. It didn't stop for the rest of the night.

 _~~~oOo~~~_

Edward's funeral was beautiful, but far from dry. Family and the friends he had made on his journey all made an appearance, even if not staying for the entire ceremony. No one questioned the closed casket before the funeral. Mustang was relieved by this. He hadn't wanted to try and make up some reasoning for it. Eventually it was only himself, Riza, Winry, and Alphonse. ' _I wish I didn't understand why this was necessary, Ed. I want to hate you for what you're putting them through, but I can't because I know you're suffering more than they are. How could you make this decision, you naïve child? If you just stopped to think-'_ Riza tapped his shoulder, signaling that it was time to go. She walked up to Winry and rubbed her arm saying a few kind words, then to Alphonse. Alphonse said thank you and gave her a hug. Winry did nothing. Riza knew not to take it personally. She knew Winry and Alphonse would always be left with an emptiness in their hearts. She thought about Winry.

' _Winry. I cannot imagine what you are going through. You're so young… to go through so much so early… and to love him…'_ Riza slowly glanced up to Mustang and back to Winry. ' _I'm sorry.'_ Riza felt like she was betraying Alphonse and Winry, but she knew it was out of her control. With that, she and Mustang left, leaving Alphonse and Winry alone at Edward's grave.

"Winry, it's getting cold. We need to go home, okay?" Winry did not move her eyes from the tombstone.

' _Edward Elric. 1899-1916. I don't think it's sunk in yet, Ed. You're gone. For good this time…'_ Winry began crying again. ' _I'm sorry for crying Ed. I know how you don't like when I cry and I know I need to be strong for Al, but who's going to take care of me? I'm not as strong as you were, Ed. I never was. I've always needed you… and you know what? I always will. I love you, Edward. I don't think I can go on without you.'_ Alphonse laid his hand on Winry's shoulder.

"Winry… you'll get a cold." I was beginning to rain and the temperature dropped as the afternoon lingered on. "We need to go inside, Winry."

' _I'm going to go, Ed. I know you wouldn't want me out here in the cold. It always was everyone else's needs before your own…'_ Winry sniffed and wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. ' _I love you, Edward. I always will.'_ With that, Winry got up and walked home with Alphonse.

 _~~~oOo~~~_

Years have passed since the death of Edward Elric. His grave remained tended to by Winry and Alphonse, the pain never leaving them. It was the four year anniversary of Edward's death, but it still felt like a fresh wound to them. They had gathered flowers and had lain them on the grass where Edward lie buried, and in vases on each side of the tombstone; Alphonse and Winry kept the grave in a suitable state.

That night, after Alphonse and Winry went home, a figure stood by the grave, staring at the tombstone. He kneeled down and grabbed one of the flowers from the pile that Winry had left. Standing back up, he began to walk away, but not before laying a flower of his own on the grave.

 _~~~oOo~~~_

Thank you so much for reading. Any sort of reviews are greatly appreciated. Have a good one.


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